Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
