We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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