weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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