my vag is so smooth its legendary
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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