this beer tastes like vomit already
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
