Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Boobs are out for the taking
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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