a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
