I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
