Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
