he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
