I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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