Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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