if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
