She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
