Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
