Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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