waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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