in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
