We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
