We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
