its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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