im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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