he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
