I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
