Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am naked and annoyed.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
