You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
