Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My feet surprised me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
