did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
