My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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