i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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