When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
