I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
