Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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