she looked like the before picture.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
