I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
