i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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