Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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