It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
