history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
