He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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