why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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