Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
