I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
