i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
