Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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