Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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