I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
