i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
