You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
