I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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