she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
