The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
